Horses and Hospitals

I realized something a few weeks ago that helped me understand some questions I had. I suppose I should start with how these questions came about.
A few weeks ago at one of the hospitals one of my responsibilities as a child life volunteer is to go around to rooms of children who are alone in the hospital and don't have people to visit with them and interact with them. I was on the oncology unit but it had been a hard week in oncology. Most of the kids were so sick and on neutropenic precautions and so after going around and checking on all of them there was little I could do as most of them just wanted to rest. So I decided to go over to the general pediatric unit to check on the kids there.
As I was walking around the unit checking on different kids I kept walking by an open door with a little girl in there. She looked longingly from the crib she was in every time I walked by. I looked at her notes and in capital letters it said "ALONE ALL THE TIME." Eventually I couldn't resist her pleading look anymore and decided I had to go see her. She was on respiratory and contact precautions so for me to go in there I have to wear the gown and gloves and mask and the whole nine yards. I am sure I looked more like I was going into a nuclear reactor than to visit a little baby. But as soon as this little girl saw me coming in the room her face lit up. She smiled from ear to ear and said hi. I walked over and lowered her crib rails and she immediately came to me and hugged me. I found a little keyboard in her crib that could be set to play music. I started dancing and so did she.
We had so much fun dancing and she was laughing and giggling and having a great time. I turned around to see about ten doctors and nurses looking in the door at our little dance party. It must been a pretty funny sight seeing radioactive man dancing with the cutest little one year old girl. I made sure to bust out all my funniest dance moves to keep the little girl laughing and provide side entertainment for the nursing station. But I couldn't help but think how could anyone just leave their baby alone for days in the hospital? How could anyone leave this darling little girl "alone all the time?"
The next day I was visiting a friend who's Mom was in the hospital and she talked about how her brother never comes to visit even though her Mom was dying. I thought how could he not come? How could he not want to be with his dying mom? We talked about how some people just can't handle sickness and hospitals and seeing people in such a bad state. It wasn't till a few weeks later that I understood this so much more.
My horse that I have had for years and was my buddy came down with pnuemonia and became very ill. He was a really old horse, (33 years old, ancient for a horse) and with the infection had very labored breathing and couldn't stand up or walk. The vet was coming out the next morning but he looked so bad I decided to stay the night with him and check on him every half an hour or so. So i brought my cot out there and set it up just outside the stall. But as I watched him there suffering and I knew how high spirited he was before he became sick and how he loved to run and could see it in his eyes how much he was suffering not being able to do that. I would rub his shoulder and he would rest his head on my arm. I could see the discomfort and pain in his eyes and it killed me! I wanted to leave! I couldn't handle seeing him like that! I just wanted to leave and come back in the morning and he would just some how be better and I wouldn't have to see him like that.
I didn't leave, I stayed the night, but I realized why some people wouldn't be able to stay with their sick kids. How they would want to leave and just come back when they are all better and not have to watch them suffer. I certainly did! I also understood how some of these parents can sleep in chairs and on couches in hospital rooms for years as their child with cancer goes through treatment. I saw and felt both sides that night. It was just a horse, and although this horse meant a lot to me it is not the same as a child. I can imagine how the feelings would be amplified a hundred times if it was a child. I guess sometimes until we experience things ourselves we don't know how we will feel or think and can't be quick to judge others on feelings and emotions we don't understand.

first blog

Ok so enough people convinced me to start a blog of my adventures of aspiring to be a pediatric oncologist. Since watching my best friend die at the age of eighteen of cancer (I will explain the whole story later) I have wanted to pursue a profession in the field of pediatric oncology to do what I can to work with the amazing kids battling this terrible disease. I am well on my way to my goal but still have a long, long road ahead of me. I am a Junior in a Bio medicinal Chemistry undergrad and volunteer in child life at two childrens hospitals in the pediatric oncology/hematology unit. Next year I will hopefully have the opportunity to research treatments for cancer at the university and hospital. Stories will soon follow. :)